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20 February 2020

"I am unworthy..."

I had been in that tunnel.... The endless one.... The dark one... The one where at one point half way through it ur mind starts telling u "its never gonna end".... And at some point you believe it for what it tells you.... UNTIL IT ACTUALLY DOES.... coz all tunnels come to an end... Especially mentally constructed ones.... I told myself over and over again that "i am not good enough" "Not worthy enough" "I need to give something to be worthy of receiving something"... "LOVE"... "How can someone love me if i don't offer something in return...no not my loveee.. that's not worthy....something else...effort...support...reassurance...advices...knowledge...time...energy...success...tips...anything...why would they love me...if i dont come in a valuable package...." Know why? Coz that was my interpretation of love way more my brain could even understand it... If am a good gurl...am loved.... If i get less than perfect grades...am beaten up! If i don't demand anything...am good! If i dare and ask for something..anything...am bad! So this grew even further...& thats how i started loving myself through life... If i achieve at work...i love me...if i dont i wont! If i am at a certain weight...i love me...if i dont i won't... If i am occupied DOING something...i love me...if im not i wont! If I am giving to others i Love me...if im not i wont.... And the list goes on & on... Do you know how hard it was for me to break that pattern...do u have any idea? Do you know how much i cried when i realized that pattern??? Do YOU have any idea? Do you know how much I'd do and offer in exchange for love! How much i'd trade pieces of me...to think i deserved this love??? But one moment of truth...of standing out of my experience & getting to see what was truly happening...was all i needed! A MOMENT OF TRUTH...HARD TORMENTING TRUTH....to see hear feel and know the damage i was causing myself in exchange of love... To realize & understand & absorb the idea that LOVE was FREE and is AVAILABLE to all....And is actually a birth right that God has gracefully offered to each & everyone of us was HARD!!!! Was UNBELIEVABLE.... Until i could finally see.... And understand... And realize... That to change any relationship we have outside ourself we have to start from within... With the one u have with yourself.... And if u are honest enough to see it the way it truly is...ull understand what needs to change... And when u do that... Every other external relationship will be great... In my upcoming online Course...Heal Your Inner Child, i tackled all aspects residing deep within your soul, to peel off those many layers shadowing the truth...so u can see...what is truly happening...to know what must change! With Love, TheMaya

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