So, if i am guessing right, alot of us have at least heard of the term "narcissistic psychopath", and if i am not mistaken, alot from the alot of us, have been in a relationship with one and walked out once we became aware, and alot are still in one, and are either in denial or maybe, not even aware that they are in one!
So, as i researched and read, i discovered that we are either an empath (one who feels what other people are feeling, read through their body language, listen beyond words and into emotions expressed, they basically are the ones that can literally feel your pain in any given situation)
Or we are co dependants, and in brief a codependant is someone who needs to serve others to feel comfortable within him/her self ! Someone who feels alive only when someone else is living off what they are offering! And a codependant is mostly alive when he/she is in a relationship with a narcissistic psychopath!
And finally a narcissistic psychopath, one that lives from feeding on someone elses soul! They are the ones that function based on hunhealed emotional pain (like the rest) however, their means of survival revolves around making others trapped in their web of consumption, where making someone else feeling less is the main target so that the latter could remain under the delusion of being privileged by remaining in this relationship!
Now this is a brief explanation on the above, however, me myself, been in a relationship with a narcissistic psychopath for almost a year let me share you with the main things to expect from this & signs to look for in the process of identifying if your partner is one too!!!
THEY COME ON TOO FAST & TOO STRONG!!!
So one second you are single, free, searching for a mate probably, dreaming of a relationship that could add on to your happiness, one that would compliment who you are, and suddenly in no time, a narcissistic shows up in your life out of the blues (or so you think, coz most probably he had traced you for sometime, studied your role as a potential victim, and haunted you as they usually do with their preys) he is there, and he is so intense in his presence, and he is all over you!!!! Like your world had just flipped in a second! Suddenly, your alone time, is no longer alone, your inbox is full of loving messages!!!! You phone is ringing endlessly!!! Your whole life is invaded!!! And for a second you think "what a lucky gurl i am!!!!!! Did the sky pour its blessings on me so suddenly or what!!!" And its like, they take over your whole world in no time! To gaslight their deep intentions,they make it seem like they've loved you for sometime in the shadow, but kept it to themselves until they could make sure that you became ready to accept them into your life!
In no time, they will shower you with all kinds of love expressions! Flowers, affection, compassion! They'll take the initiative to cancel all the plans you had previously planned! Cancel all ur agenda's schedules, prevent you from seeing friends that they for no reason seem to not like, change your outfit style, your career choices, everything that says who you are and choose to make you all theirs!
And in no time, just like an octopus does, they'll have all their hands wrapped around you!
They wouldnt even give you time to think about whats happening!!! For they will be overwhelming you with their presence, their energy, their LIFE until u can no longer recognize yours anymore!
And lets confess, you will enjoy it, bcoz you were craving love and attention!!! And they could trace that in you! They could identify your weakness! They could identify your needs! They usually show up with a need! A need that u can fill! And they know that!
And that leads us to part 2!
THEY COME WITH SOMETHING THAT YOU THINK YOU CAN FIX!
So you are a codependant most probably! And u feel alive while making someone elses life better! You want to fix them! Coz from your inner lackness, u feel that when u fix someone else, your need to fix you instead would fade off, or you would at least bcome so busy fixing them, that you would be distracted on what's in you that needs to be fixed instead! But knowing its always easier to point your fingers towards someone else, than to look in and deep into demons residing inside, We become addicted to searching for who is in need of healing to go & heal them so we can feel great about ourselves, the will to change people and make them better drives most of us women! We think if we succeed it'll make us victorious, yet we rarely acknowledge that we never actually get there!!!! Coz in fact, you cannot change anyone, unless they want to change! And it is not our role to actually change anyone, the maximum we could do is change ourselves!
THEU START REVEALING THEIR TRUE COLORS TOO SOON!
So one day you're overwhelmed with love and affection, and the second day, u feel trashed! Used, abused, and manipulated! Siddenly, that that was seeking you, is no longer in sight!!! And that, that was flattering you with all kinds of compliments, is now pulling you down by his negative comments through body shaming, chriticizing, judging & condemning you for what you thought was once a point of attraction to them!
And now u find yourself, standing infront of the mirror, doubting how you look, how you feel, and doubting even who you truly are!
And now, u find yourself, doing your very best, chasing them through every step, just to grasp 10% of the poison they infused in you at the begining of the relationship! You find yourself dedicating your whole mission to gain a moment of acceptance & validation from them, from a relationship that had become a source of constant struggle and pain! Constant chase towards happiness & appreciation!
Suddenly, they have to comment ok everything you do or say, suddenly theyre too busy to pick up your call!
Suddenly ut is you handling their issues, their life, their gaps; serving them, draining yourself for them, and they wouldnt even thank you for that!
They dont only take you for granted, they also abuse that to an extent that everything you do becomes not enough!
And the more you give, the more u feel trapped in the addiction of passionate moments!
YOU KNOW YOU MUST LEAVE, BUT YOU STILL HAVE HOPE!
your mind tells you you must leave, your soul tells you you must leave, your friends tell you you must leave, your therapist tells you to live fully you must leave! You know you must leave, yet you dont leave!!!!!!
Something keeps pulling you back! Telling you there's still more to give, theres still something to do; they convince you that they are like this with you because of something you did! And you seem to believe them! Although deep down you know you're drained! You're tired! You're hurting! But still...you insist! Like you've been hypnotized! You know you must leave but can't seem to make it! Until you actually make it....
Yes you can...just like any addiction...you know smoking is bad for you, you really enjoy it, you love it, but you have to let it go! Coz when you stack on negative consequences, you leverage the pain associated to it!!! You foresee the future and you know this habit is not bringing you anything good!!! And infact you can actually see all the dangerous possibilities that could happen if u stick to it for too long!!! You know you will have cancer maybe, heart diseases, cligged arteries, lung problems, teeth decay, etc etc etc and then the pain from what is yet to come becomes10x worse than the pain of quitting!!!!
The pleasure of quitting becomes much greater than the pleasure of the moment!
If you put this pain & pleasure equation in place, where us hum is n beings are programmed to move away from pain and towards pleasure; you would start considering a whole new plan!
One that doesnt include the narcissistic psychopath in it!
Because when you choose you and nothing that would make you less of who you are, when you start writing down who you truly are and what you truly want then you will start creating new neurotransmitters in your brain related to how you are choosing to see yourself rather than the conditioning you've been set to believe, then you will start giving yourself new possibilities on seeing things from!
It's not easy having the guts to get out of a relationship with a narcissistic psychpath for thet will try all possible ways to keep you in their web, however, it is doable! It feels like dying, suffocating at times, remembering all the great moments only! Doubting your decision, doubting yourself; just like walking away from any addiction! But if u keep walking alas all the pain, and keep focused on gaining you again, and on what makes u truly happy, and reminding yourself that this too shall pass and that in 5 years their name will become a meaningless memory, then it will pass sooner than you know!
(In my next article ill mention my steps on overcoming a heartbreak)
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